Saying goodbye to your pet
I wish pets lived longer. Like 10x longer. But, the fact that pets have a shorter lifespan than us humans is something we have to accept if we are going to show up with as much love as possible. Saying goodbye isn’t a light or easy topic, but it is part of the reality. As a veterinarian who works primarily in emergency, this is a step of life in which I am part of more than other doctors. I wanted to put a few key points together to help pet parents for when it is time to live with this difficult moment.*
Knowing when it is time
With animals, we have the option of making the difficult choice of euthanasia when they are suffering. With this comes the extremely hard responsibility to know when it’s the appropriate time to do so. We get this hard question often as veterinarians. There are many ways to answer this question but often it comes down to quality of life and options of care. If your pet’s quality of life isn’t good anymore and the condition he/she is suffering from doesn’t have many treatment options or those options aren’t in your reach for different reasons or circumstances, it may be time to have this conversation with your veterinarian. Determining quality of life in a pet is also highly subjective, but generally, a pet that isn’t able to eat, drink, get up properly, seems uncomfortable or weak, or isn’t capable of doing his/her daily activities anymore, could signal it may be time.
If your pet is sick and you learn that you may not have all the time you were hoping for, it may be a good time to go through a list of their favorite things and spoil them. Special meals, special car rides, going to see his favorite people, dog friends, etc. may help you go through the grief process and will bring joy into both of your lives.
Where and how
At home euthanasia vs. in hospital euthanasia: Depending on your desire and the medical situation, you may be able to decide between these options. Many veterinarians offer at home services so you can say goodbye to your friend in the comfort of your home, which may be less stressful for the pet and you. Some people do not like this option and are afraid of keeping the memory of the location where the pet passed away in their house. It is a personal choice and there is no right or wrong decision. If it is not for you, or a medical condition happens quickly and does not give the option to schedule at home euthanasia, there is always the option of saying goodbye in the hospital. Often hospitals have a special quiet room in which you can spend time with your pet to say goodbye. Most veterinarians allow owners to be present during the procedure itself if this is something you would like. The most common procedure involves giving an injection intravenously first that will induce anesthesia followed by a pentobarbital solution that stops the heart quickly after the injection is given. Your pet will not feel or be conscious when he/she passes and it is a very gentle process.
Grief
As veterinarians, we often hear from pet owners “I will never get a pet again, it is too painful”. I 100% get it. Losing a pet is awful — personally one of the most painful things I have experienced. Pets take a special place in our lives and homes and they are our positive daily companion who always show up for us, regardless of how yesterday went. In my opinion, they truly are humans’ best friends and most loyal companions. When I hear clients say that, I tend to answer that, of course, this is incredibly hard and it is totally ok to feel the pain, but I encourage them to focus on the good moments they shared with their pet and on all the positive emotions they brought to their lives. I often encourage them to leave by thinking about good memories of their pet. One potentially helpful thought: when there is grief and sadness, it comes from a place of strong love. It may be useful to focus on this love and to cherish those beautiful and numerous moments shared together. Making a more traditional memorial or simply creating a physical space in your home dedicated to those memories can also be helpful. You can get creative and although it will never be enough to replace the feeling you had with them, it can be a nice way for you to feel like they are still in your home in some ways.
Losing a pet may make you go through all the different phases of grief including shock, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression to finally reach acceptance. I will not dive deeply into each of them as it is not the goal of this article, but know that it is okay to experience some or all of the steps mentioned above even for a pet loss. Also, know that there is no “normal” or things you “should” feel or not feel. Every feeling you may experience for as long as you experience it is part of your own grief process and is valid. Losing a pet is a trauma for many and as with other traumas, it is more than ok to use tools available to get through it, such as therapy. There are also online resources such as ASPCA, Best Friends Animal Society, Rainbow Bridge, PetLoss and many more, that provide helpful information and forums where you can talk to people going through similar situations. Maybe it is time to do activities that bring you comfort (in a healthy way if possible!), to learn or try something new to change your habits from what you were doing with your pet. Be patient and kind with yourself, surround yourself with people you love and accept you and your emotions and remember that you will get through it.
Have more questions about this topic or want to share a personal experience?Feel free to write a note in the comments section!
*Keep in mind that I am sharing my personal experience and tools and that I am not a therapist.
